Inner Reality
by SoulTears
Summary: The hero Inuyasha has found happiness at last, but is his bliss true or just a dream? Originally titled Hakkyou


**Disclaimer**: Well, my psychiatrist tells me that it's not mine, that I am penniless, but what does a dog know anyway? Personally, I think I'm paying her too much…

**A/N**: This story has been bugging me for a while so I decided to put it to words. Hope you like. Enjoy.

**Hakkyou**

"It's time Inuyasha," he heard her say. He knew damn well what time it was, so why did she have to heighten the pain? Was she so impatient to get it over with? Gods just standing there in that same modern clothing, with arm out wet and Shikon in her hand. Who knew that beauty could hurt so much? Especially the pink jewel, the same orb that connected their lives, made them closer and closer, was now so close to wrenching them apart. The cataclysmic battle with Naraku had been forgotten even before his corpse could begin to rot. Now came the apocalypse. The quest for the Tama is ended. Now, standing beneath the branches of the Goshinboku, it was time to make the wish that would remove it from existence evermore. It was a day Inuyasha had longed for at one time. Yet the implications and finalities that inevitably accompanied such a day had not even entered his mind. Once he made that wish, Kagome's purpose for being in the past would end… she would go back to her time, unable to return. It hurt to imagine life without his everlasting happiness at his side, but to keep the jewel would attract any demon or power-hungry human to it. Fighting, only fighting to live until the next day or next attack. He couldn't live that way, nor would he ask Kagome to do so as well. But it had all changed after Naraku.

_It's easier to run  
Replacing this pain with something numb  
It's so much easier to go  
Than face all this pain here all alone_

They decided to do wish nothing on the jewel, merely to keep it hidden. This way, no evil will come from it and he could have the woman he loved at his side. Life became peaceful after that. Kagome took over as guardian miko of Kaede's village. When the old sentinel finally found rest, she was buried alongside her sister, with the service attended only by the Inu-tachi. With the well remaining open, the young teen quickly reached near-deity status with her ability to "cure" any illness of the village. Under her kind eye and endless fountain of knowledge the village prospered in an unprecedented way. As for Inuyasha, he relished in his love with her, devoting himself to her whenever she had need. It was joy, truest ecstasy.

Outside the room Sango was awakened by a sound akin to laughter coming from the door she had been napping against. Her heart clenched at the sound and the pity engulfed her once more. Her eyes locked with Miroku across the fire. He had also heard the laugh and spoke.

"Is it him," he asked softly, wind carrying his words to her. She just nodded, unable to bear speaking. This time Miroku sighed, a ragged and aged sound in the silence of the room punctured only by the crackle and snaps of burning wood and the chuckling.

Inuyasha walked on the hill proudly, his grin of bliss brighter than the sun. It was another beautiful day in Kagome's village and he could hardly wait to catch her on her return from the present. His mind kept coming back to the night before. That kiss had been so sweet, so passionate that a second longer would have seen them both in bed when the sun rose. But no, she just kissed him and ran off to the present, leaving him reeling with a painful problem. Still, turnabout is fair play (one of Kagome's sayings from her time), and he intended to finish what she had inadvertently started. 'Oh yes, she was going to pay,' he thought as a cloud pulled the sun aside for a conversation. Welcoming the shade provided, the hanyou sat in his customary position to wait. Whispers in the wind teased him, calling his name. "Inuyasha… Inuyasha…"

"Inuyasha, can you hear me Inuyasha," Miroku asked from the door of the room. Aforementioned hanyou sat against the wall, hair disheveled and an inane smile on his face. His eyes were distant and dilated, as if he were focused on a faraway place and not the dingy old room his mortal husk inhabited. Sprawled across his lap lay Tetsusaiga. All the furniture in the room lay in a pile of wood and splinters on the other corner. All over the walls were deep gashes that eerily resembled claw marks. "Inuyasha?" A hand behind the monk halted him. He turned to see Sango shake her head.

"Leave him for now, Houshi, I doubt he will come to today." Her eyes pleaded for him to close the door. She needed comfort from him, having also remembered the events of six months ago. The monk did as he was asked and went to join his wife. It was not longer that her soft sobs joined the never-ending crackling of the fire.

Something was wrong. A new scent lingered in the wind, salty and sad. Tears, somewhere someone was crying. But who? Intrigued, the hanyou left his perch to seek out the cause of the weeping. The scent led him deep into the forest, ending at the Goshinboku. However, there was no one. Confusion set in until suddenly Kagome appeared before him, wearing the old school uniform she wore during their travels. A smile was on her face as the skirt played with the breeze.

"Hi Inuyasha, I was wondering if maybe we could talk," she said, her voice low and husky. The sound alone inflamed his senses with desire and it took enormous self-control just to stand before her alluring form. He did nod though to acknowledge her heard the request. The smile widened for a second before she began. "Well, I've been wondering a lot about the Shikon No Tama and it occurred to me that we haven't made a wish on it yet. Isn't that weird?" Confusion served to unseal his lips and revive his mental faculties.

"I thought we had already discussed the consequences of what would happened if we made a wish on that cursed jewel, Kagome. Once the Shikon disappeared, you'll return to your time and we'll be separated."

"I know, I know all that, but," she said, the last word coming out exaggeratedly, and he could clearly see her smile reach from ear to ear, "Would that really be such a bad thing after all?"

_Something has been taken  
From deep inside of me  
A secret I've kept locked away  
No one can ever see  
Wounds so deep they never show  
They never go away  
Like moving pictures in my head  
For years and years they've played_

No, he could not accept this. It had to be a dream; his Kagome would never _ever_ think such a thing. Yet, somewhere deep inside his soul, a flicker of light was trying to break through. Ignoring the thrill of desperation and awareness that gripped him, he focused on his lover.

"What are you trying to say Kagome?"

"All I'm saying is that me returning to my time would not be so bad."

"I don't understand, you want to stay over there a while longer or something," he asked hopefully, trying frantically to find another interpretation for her words, but it always came back to the same thing.

"No, Inuyasha, I mean that I go back permanently, as in never return to this time ever again." The words hit him like a thousand comets aimed right for his heart. The blow staggered him, making him fall to his knees. Kagome just kneeled, the same smile on her face.

"Why," he whispered, finding breathing to be a precious and limited luxury just then. She ran her hands through his hair and caressed his ears. Despite the pain, he could not contain his purr of pleasure and the flicker of light gained strength as another crack appeared in the mysterious wall. Her words jarred him back to the situation before he could even fathom what that barrier hid

"Silly puppy, you really thought I wished to stay, didn't you? Aww, you can be so cure sometimes Inuyasha," she squealed and kissed him on the cheek. "Still, I guess it's time I come clean with a few things. I love this place, really I do, but without Naraku to search for and no shards to find, it has gotten so boring! Not to mention Miroku and Sango getting married and moving back to her village. I've been spending three months with just you!" Biting, callous, tearing, crushing, horrible words cutting into him. Why? He couldn't make heads or tails of the situation. His mouth had no problems however.

"I had thought you enjoyed the time with me. I mean, after that kiss…" She chuckled then, a sound once so sweet and endearing now rendered cold and cruel.

"Sweetie, you're a hanyou. What depraved mentality actually made you believe I would want to be with you? As for that kiss, I just wanted to see if maybe, _maybe_ I could fall for you, but I guess not. Kind of a relief really, I don't know what I would have done if I did actually fall in love with you. You see, Inuyasha, I never could accept you the way I would've liked. You don't fall into any one category. Bred from both sides, you yourself told me that there was no place for you and that you had to make one. Unfortunately, or fortunately, however you want to look at it, I am human. I can't stand by you anymore, no one can. You were destined to a life alone, and who am I to challenge Fate? Goodbye Inuyasha, it was fun." The damage done, she stood and walked away, leaving the hanyou on the ground to pick up the pieces. The wall fell with every tear on his streaming cheek and he realized the scent of sorrow had been his own.

Both Sango and Miroku heard it, despite its almost unbelievable softness. Anyone with a soul could have heard it, the collapse of an illusion and the re-entrance to reality all enveloped in a gasp. Then a slam against the door shook them apart. Another slam did likewise to the door

"KAGOME," the newly freed inmate demanded, eyes wild and sword clutched tightly in his hands. He was about to leap when he felt hands on his shoulders. The monk and taijiya emerged at his side, beseeching silently that he sit. Fear took his heart as he did. The look in their eyes could not be a good thing.

"Inuyasha…" Sango began but was unable to continue, so Miroku jumped in while wrapping his arm consolingly around his wife.

"Where is she," he demanded, struggling to ignore his friend's suffering.

"You have to try remember," the monk, once again resorting to riddles when he had no time for them.

"TELL ME WHERE SHE IS!"

"No," Miroku replied in an even tone. "I can't." The emotional storm he had weathered so far threatened to consume Inuyasha and he slumped on the floor.

"Please, just tell me," he said and Sango could no longer take it. She tore away from her husband's embrace and wrapped her arms around the hanyou and cried. From within the dirty and tattered haori he heard her words.

"She's gone, oh Gods, Inuyasha, she's gone…" The cold was back and he fought the need to tremble. Gone, how a simple word could bring about so much agony. Footsteps in front of him caused his eyes to lock with those of Kohaku, Sango's younger brother. Then, with a sobbing taijiya in his lap and a monk who would not look at him, he swiftly remembered everything.

_If I could change I would  
Take back the pain I would  
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would  
If I could  
Stand up and take the blame I would  
If I could take all the shame to the grave I  
Would_

It had been two days after the final battle with Naraku. He and the group stood under the Goshinboku ready to rejoin the last shard, Kohaku's shard, with the rest of the purified jewel. As the Tama fused into its original form, it floated in mid-air waiting to grant a wish. Kagome giggled with excitement at finally ending a journey.

"Well Inuyasha, go ahead."

"Who, me?"

"No, the other Inuhanyou in red! Of course you! The wish belongs to you now." His face turned instantly serious. He recalled a time when the wish had been so simple: to become a full demon and exact revenge on all those people that wronged him. Now, though, things were different. He no longer sought vengeance or the long life of a full-blooded youkai. In all truth the only thing he wanted was watching him intently as she waited for his wish, but of course he could not tell her that. So instead he decided to make a wish for his friends, since he had no need for the jewel. Closing his eyes, he addressed the mystical pearl.

"I wish that Kohaku return and find happiness with his elder sister, his memories stored until he is ready to accept them." A surge of power engulfed him and he heard the voice of a woman in his mind. 'Excellent wish warrior, my battle is finally over.' It resounded in the recesses of his mind and the jewel disappeared. In its place stood Kohaku, his eyes dazed and heavy as if from a deep sleep. Sango gasped with repressed emotion before clasping him to her heart. Inuyasha smiled, genuinely smiled for the first time in a long while. Then he turned to Kagome, expecting a smile of approval, but was met with thin air. Rattled by the lack of person, he sniffed the air, searching for any trace of her departure but found nothing. Her fragrance simply vanished, almost as if it had never existed. It took two weeks of searching the woods frantically before he finally went to the Bone Eater's Well. 'If she wasn't here, she must be in her time,' he reasoned as he entered the well. But it would not yield to him, remaining solid no matter how many times the hanyou leapt into it. It was sealed, locking him away from her, from Kagome. Suddenly nothing seemed so right, there was no happiness, not for him.

Sango let the guilt wrack her body, even though she knew it would do nothing. She was grateful to him, eternally. Inuyasha had brought her brother back to her and he was happy again. Thanks to the conditions of the wish, the young boy remembered nothing. The memories were there though; she could see them in the instances when he held his weapon during training, and the way it quivered at odd times. All this he had given to her, expecting nothing in return. What he received was madness, a crushing insanity that withered away at his soul and reduced his mind to a cage for all his self-induced fantasies. Every so often he returned to reality and each time the memories would slam him back inside. No, he didn't deserve it, and yet she knew what would happen. Myouga had told her and Miroku of the effects of making a wish on the Shikon no Tama. Its magic could alter timelines, and since its arrival in the Sengoku Jidai was unnatural, time became disrupted. Making a pure wish on the gem would cause it to disappear and consequently send Kagome back to her time immediately. At first she did not believe, refusing to accept. Then after letting bounce in her mind she saw the reason, the logic behind it. Kagome was a stranger to this time and so was the jewel, so if one vanished so too would the other. Even as Inuyasha pondered on the wish beneath the Goshinboku, she tried to say what they had heard, but it was too late. When Kohaku stood before them, the guilt generated by joy was too much. Those were her tears, of pain and sympathy, which soaked his haori.

_Sometimes I remember  
The darkness of my past  
Bringing back these memories  
I wish I didn't have  
Sometimes I think of letting go  
And never looking back  
And never moving forward so  
There would never be a past_

Left to his anguish, Inuyasha quickly lost all semblance of reason, until it became necessary to incarcerate him in the room. The first time he slipped into his living dream it had scared them. He lay on his back on the bed, eyes closed and face set, a peach statue of cold marble. Only the even rise and fall of his haori revealed he still lived. But he didn't live, not anymore. Miroku stood now, helpless as his wife cried and Inuyasha's face twisted and contorted with the memories. Then a single tear fell, followed by its twin on the other eye. His hands went to the rosary still around his neck and he gently wormed out of Sango's clasp. She stood up and struggled to contain her emotions. When she finally looked at him, she could see his decision. Without a word to either of them, save a nod, he walked over to the door of the hut. Kohaku stood at the entrance and the hanyou stopped. Looking down at the boy, he ran his hand through the dark tresses affectionately before exiting the house. Both taijiya and monk rushed to the door in time to catch his floating silhouette in the moon as he disappeared into the trees of his forest. They never saw him again.

_Just washing it aside  
All of the helplessness inside  
Pretending I don't feel misplaced  
Is so much simpler than change_

Kagome was on her way from school, humming the newest tune raging across the school population from America, when she felt it. A soft nudge, primal intuition, whatever it was, it lead into the park. Since all her teachers had lightened up on homework, there didn't seem any harm in doing some exploring. The many paths of the park did not seem appealing until she faced a worn-out dirt path she had never recalled seeing in her walks before. So with her spirit afire with curiosity she hid her backpack by a bush before walking on the path. It was a snake, twisting and winding as the trees closed in on her. It became tighter and tighter until it burst into a small clearing. Roses grew around the border, glowing with the light of the sun, or was it something else that caused that shining radiance? Either way the young schoolgirl knew that she had found untouched ground. The clearing rose up, forming a solitary knoll turned to the sky. On the mound she could see a stone, instantly recognizing it as a grave marker. The air felt supercharged the higher she walked up the hill. When she stood before the grave she could see ancient kanji on the stone. It read: "Here lies the…" The name was too faded to read, but the stone was not alone. Leaning against it were an old, parched scroll and an old sword in a black scabbard. Reaching for the scroll she opened to find a small unsteady scrawl- the writing of an old man.

_I hope you find this, because I don't think I'll last much longer. I've been wondering and wandering for a long time now, thinking of you. I still don't know why you left, but I have some theories. Whatever the reason, I never really got to tell you what I wanted to say. When we journeyed for the jewel, I thought I would never find the courage, but I figured I had all the time in the world. Gods I was so naïve, fantasizing of impossible lives and unrealistic futures._

Kagome could feel her heart clench as she read, a strong emotion gripping her heart with ruthless claws. At the same time she had could smell pine and sawdust, the scent of the forest, suddenly surround her, and engulf her in a warm blanket. Feeling her hands shake, she continued to read.

_But now you're gone, and I'm so afraid of never seeing you again. You left without a warning, not even a word to anyone. I won't question why, but I want to tell you. I love you so much. I never thought I would ever feel this way, fall so hard for you that I could never stand on my own ever again. I needed you; still need you. You made me whole with your smile and cheery personality. You cried for me, held me when I acted tough to hide the pain. You knew, always knew what I needed. Thank you for the years at my side, and if that's all I will have of you in this world, then I'll take it gladly. I also want to tell you that I forgive you, for everything you think you did, for each time you used the 'word', and I hope you can forgive me too. I've done a lot of things, mean things, in an effort to keep you at arm's length, but you never gave up. I'm sorry._

_Gods, who knew that it would be so easy for me to write all this down when I could never say it to you before. I guess part of the ease comes from the fear that this may never reach you, no matter how powerful the concealing spell is. Three hundred years is still a long time. Yeah, I'm hitting the big two ninety-six soon. At least I hope I will. Time hasn't been good to me, nor has the youkai and humans hunting me for the jewel. Many times I've told them that the Shikon No Tama is gone, but for some reason they won't believe me. Also, I've been having a lot of blackouts, times when I just forget. One minute I could be walking among the trees, the next minute my hands are covered in blood and I'm laying at the edge of some river. They were never that long and didn't happen too often, but lately I find myself losing too much time in the day. I once awoke at sunrise and don't remember anything I did up until sunset! It's kinda scary, really._

Kagome felt an image of a pink pearl pass in her vision and with it a white lump. The pine and sawdust scent intensified around her. What was this abrupt sensation of homesickness? It felt like she did not belong here, but at the same time she had found her true home. The clearing seemed cut off from time, standing alone in the tempest. She read on, only one more paragraph left.

_I guess I brought it on myself though. All those demons we killed to bring the jewel together. You wouldn't believe how many disgruntled mates and kin seeking vengeance I've had to fight. Anyway, it's all thinned out now. I think they finally started listening to me. Not much left to say for me, can't really see the paper anymore. I hope I don't black out before I finish this. So, I guess this is goodbye. I loved you when I met you, pinned to that tree in sleep, and I love you now, and forever. Farewell, Kagome._

_Inuyasha_

Now the tears came, gushing forth with each flash of memory that resurfaced. A tall, proud body in red, silver hair falling down his back, cute doggy ears on his crown, and the softest amber eyes she had ever seen. 'Inuyasha,' she thought as her hand instinctively grabbed the Tetsusaiga. Crushing it to her chest she sobbed her loss to the starry sky. She had been wrenched away from all she loved, and now she sat on the grave of the hanyou she loved so much. All those memories she had, dates with Houjou, junior high graduation, high school, birthdays without her friends, all lies created by altered time. She cursed it then, wishing desperately to go back to him, but she never could. The Shikon was gone, Midoriko-sama was at rest, and she was left to pick herself up. Sango, Miroku; all the people she had met and bonded with for four years, erased from her mind. But Inuyasha remained with her, the sword testament of his existence. The tears ebbed away, their purpose exhausted as Kagome, schoolgirl, teenager, and heroine miko of five hundred years ago, stood with sword and scroll in hand. The pain tore at her heart, yet all that remained was to move on, until death would bring her to Inuyasha's side once more. Never looking back, she did not see the clearing disappear as she crossed the rose barrier. A man stood on the boulder that replaced the hill illusion. His red haori and hakama hung loosely on his body, the binds long since eroded away. His once white hair contained various streaks of dirt and grass and his golden eyes were dull, void of reason. He watched the woman walk away with head cocked to the side. His nostrils flared with her scent and tears. The white triangular ears twitched as it caught every fading step. So familiar, this alien creature that had walked into his home, neither a threat nor an enemy. She was more like a… friend. But she was leaving, like all the others. His eyes focused for a second and a word emerged from the recesses of his shattered psyche, shining brightly before the inky abyss consumed it.

"Kagome…" The guttural sound was followed by a whimper of pain before he too turned his back. With a rustle of the trees the husk that was Inuyasha vanished into time.

_It's easier to run  
Replacing this pain with something numb  
It's so much easier to go  
Than face all this pain here all alone_

* * *

Wow, I have no idea where that came from, but that place scared me. Let me know how it was for you. Ja ne. Oh, and by the way, I don't own Linkin Park either.

**P.S.** By the way, for anyone wondering about the title, it's Japanese for insanity. Kind of fits, doesn't it?


End file.
